The following piece first appeared in late April, 2010 on Buzzine.com
As I write this, tomorrow I will undergo surgery to fix and repair some conditions that were the result of emergency surgery last July, with a numbing diagnosis that followed.
Last fall, I wrote about my then-fresh battle against colon and liver cancer and the challenges ahead. My perspective on so many things changed, with new views that remain. I spoke of changes in diet, which will stay with me in the years to come that I plan to have and wish to have.
I also shared a list of songs compiled through my iTunes and placed on my iPod for inspiration as “cancer-fighting songs.” In the weeks and months after coming up with that initial list, I found myself adding songs. As my situation has changed, shifted, with progress, many of the songs have hit me ever harder emotionally, perhaps none more than the addition of a semi-acoustic version of “We Close Our Eyes,” recorded in October 1995 by the band Oingo Boingo during their Farewell Tour’s final shows at then-Universal Amphitheatre in Universal City, California.
A comforting accordion is central to the arrangement, as front-man Danny Elfman sings this song about the inevitable changes we all face in life, one way or another.
“We close our eyes and the world has turned around again.”
Time passes. It is fleeting, and the older we get, it does go by so quickly, yet we can capture the moments, and that doesn’t mean the big events. It’s the little things from a day, coming on any day, which may well resonate with us the most.
Finding my medical outlook improving markedly in recent months, listening to the song again when it came up on the play-list brought tears – of appreciation – when this verse arrived:
"I looked Death in the face last night
I saw him in a mirror
And he simply smiled
He told me not to worry
He told me just to take my time.
Others facing mortality much sooner than they ever expected and then appearing to have been given a second chance may also weep from these lines…not because the lyrics are sad. Rather, they are imbued with hope and the conviction to live.
Other words in the song speak truths for me as well:
We’re on a healing path
We’re on a roller coaster ride
That can never turn back…
In addition to the music that means so much to me, I’ve found much comfort in a great return to a love of my youth (not that it ever completely went away — far from it). It was my wife who suggested I was allowed to indulge in a weekly trip to one of several local comic book shops near us — DJ’s Universal Comics, run by the solid Cat and Earth-2 Comics in Sherman Oaks, owned by the ever-warm Judd. Both deserve the plugs.
As my personal battle began, so had a DC Comics “event” called Blackest Night, anchored in the Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps and reverberating throughout most other DC titles. It was an epic story about light verses dark, life against encroaching, all-consuming death. How could I not relate to this on such a personal level? A spectrum of light was revealed, including not just Green for Willpower, but Blue for Hope, Sapphire for Love and Indigo for Compassion. These became more than colors for me, my wife and son. They were symbols to embrace.
During the same months, a legendary comic book hero said to have launched the “Silver Age” of comics in the mid-’50s, Barry Allen, returned as The Flash (there have been a few to hold that name and there still are) in a series called Flash: Rebirth from writer Geoff Johns and artist Ethan Van Sciver. Several years earlier, beginning in 2004, the same pair had brought back the character of Hal Jordan after his corruption of soul and redemption in death during the ‘90s to face new trials against the embodiment of fear in Green Lantern: Rebirth.
For me, these were not just mere revivals and have spurred me on to look to my own rebirth, emerging from this life-threatening illness and eventually coming out stronger and also more determined to fulfill my own visions as a husband, father, writer, creative individual and as a human being. This rebirth could not have happened without the unwavering love of my family and a vast community of friends, not just all over the USA but also in the UK, Europe and elsewhere.
The nature of my story is not unique. There are thousands like me, perhaps millions now, around the globe. But each story is unique to the individual. I remain vigilant regarding my health, knowing that cancer could return. There is no way to ever know what will come. I also ache for those who’ve fought such valiant battles and were taken from their loved ones. It truly can happen to anyone at any age, at any time. We celebrate the lives of those gone and cherish the lives of those who have survived and carry on.
And for me, those lights of will, hope, love and compassion will always show the way as we dream, and another year has come and gone.
************
My special songs, updated:
“Badlands” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 6/27/09 Glastonbury BBC Broadcasts
“Up Around The Bend” [Live In Amsterdam, Holland, 9/10/71] – Creedence Clearwater Revival Cosmo’s Factory (40th Anniversary Edition)
“I Won’t Back Down” [Live] – Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – America: A Tribute To Heroes
“No Surrender” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 4/16/09 Los Angeles
“Beautiful Day” – U2 Vertigo 2005 – Live From Chicago
“Out In The Street” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – 6/27/09 Glastonbury BBC Broadcasts
“Hard Core Troubadour” – Steve Earle I Feel Alright
“Good Is Gone” (Little Steven w/ Southside Johnny) Bruce Springsteen Holiday Show 12/17/00 Asbury Park, New Jersey
“Recurring Dream” 3:25 Crowded House Afterglow
“Inside Of Me” – Little Steven And The Disciples of Soul Men Without Women
“Brand New Book” – Graham Parker Best of Graham Parker 1988 – 1991
“Nothing’s Impossible” – Depeche Mode – Coachella, Indio, CA 2006
“Working On A Dream” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 4/16/09 Los Angeles
“One” – U2 U2 Go Home (Slane)
“See The World” – Gomez How We Operate
“If I Had A Boat” – Lyle Lovett Here He Is
“Dry River” – Dave Alvin Live From Austin, Texas
“Your Life Is Now” – John Mellencamp Words & Music: Greatest Hits
“Long As I Can See The Light” – Creedence Clearwater Revival Cosmo’s Factory (40th Anniversary Edition)
“To Be With You” The Mavericks Trampoline
“Waitin’ On A Sunny Day” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 6/27/09 Glastonbury BBC Broadcasts
“Here Comes The Sun” – The Beatles Abbey Road
“The Waiting” – Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers Greatest Hits
“The Promised Land” – Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 6/27/09 Glastonbury BBC Broadcasts
“Where The Streets Have No Name” U2 Vertigo 2005 – Live From Chicago
“Out Of The Darkness” – Little Steven & The Disciples of Soul – Greatest Hits
“Love Reign O’er Me” – The Who, Quadrophenia
“Home” – Depeche Mode (Martin Gore lead vocal) – Recording the Universe, Munich, 2009
“We Close Our Eyes” – Oingo Boingo, Farewell
“Days” – The Kinks – Village Green Preservation Society (reissue)
“Redemption Song” – Johnny Cash Featuring Joe Strummer Unearthed III: Redemption Songs
“Rockin’ in the Free World” Bruce Springsteen with Neil Young, John Fogerty and REM October 5, 2004 – St. Paul, Minnesota
“Radio Nowhere” – Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band – 4/5/08 San Jose, California
“Almost Saturday Night / Rockin’ All Over the World” The Georgia Satellites Rubáiyát Elektra’s 40th Anniversary
“Thundercrack” – Bruce Springsteen Holiday show 12/8/03 AP Peace, Love and Understanding
“Peaceful World” – John Mellencamp Farm Aid 2002, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
“Undefeated (Everybody Goes Home)” – Little Steven & the Disciples of Soul Greatest Hits Rock
“I’m Gonna Be Around” – Del-Lords Based On A True Story
“Peace on Earth/Walk On” – U2 London for America: A Tribute to Heroes
“Land of Hope and Dreams (w/People Get Ready)” Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band 4/16/09 Los Angeles
“ Bright Side of the Road” – Raul Malo Nashville Acoustic Sessions
“My Back Pages” – The Byrds Cruising Altitude from Byrds Box Set
“It’s Been A Long Time” (with Southside & Little Steven) – Bruce Springsteen Holiday Show 12/8/03 AP Peace, Love and Understanding
“Life is a Long Song” – Ian Anderson Ian Anderson Plays the Orchestral Jethro Tull
“End of the Line” – Traveling Wilburys Traveling Wilburys, Vol. 1
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment