Perspective

The following post originally appeared in September 2009 on Buzzine.com when I didn't know what the future would bring. I still don't. Does anyone?



Perspective. A word we use but perhaps never comprehend until our life is turned upside down, inside out, and changed in ways we never imagined.
In mid-July, my massive change in perspective began with emergency surgery for a perforated intestine and a ten-day stay in the hospital. For some of those days, I had a tube through a nostril and down my throat, a catheter, a drain, and a new friend called a colostomy bag.  Traumatic?  That’s putting it mildly. Then came the news from doctors that colon cancer had been detected.


Once out of the hospital, we found an amazing oncologist and oncology center. I say “we” because I couldn’t have done this alone; my wife, my little boy, my parents, my sister and brother-in-law and their boys, other family/extended friends all took part in the search, and their continuing support has been nothing short of selfless.


Further tests and specialized scans confirmed the cancer and its very serious nature.  As I write this, I’ve undergone two chemotherapy treatments, with more scheduled through next year for now. I remain postive and will beat this thing, and I can’t thank friends enough — on Facebook and in e-mails — for the simplest of notes, such as “Morden Kicks Cancer’s Ass.” Yes, I will.

So far, side effects for me haven’t been bad at all. We’ll see as the weeks progress, but I intend to master that too.   The way I see it, there’s no other way.


I’ve also found my diet — never bad, but indulgent, like so many when it came to various foods — trimmed and transformed. Our belief is a holistic approach compliments modern medicine, so certain foods, alkaline-treated water, the elimination of refined sugars, gluten and such, with plenty of key vegetables and fruits are part of the plan to take this on and win. Some may already know about all of this, may practice it anyway.  It’s not as though I was a smoker (no) or a drinker (very moderate at most), and even the “bad” foods were in moderation.  I believe part of what’s happened has stemmed from more than a half-dozen years of compounding stress that I never truly knew how to deal with, though I thought I did.


Once a cranky, surly type for years, that fellow is all but gone. It’s part of those changes in just the past month and half. A kinder, gentler me?  Yup.  That doesn’t mean I’m still not the critical type when it comes music, film, TV, and other arts and lifestyles. But my perspective — there’s that word — is different now.


The last time I experienced a change in perspective was with the birth of my son.  As he’s grown, I’ve tapped into my own inner child and tried to look at things from his view.  Now, with the life-threatening challenge of cancer, I’m looking at much more with different eyes.

And I’m not talking about massive world views either. Money issues have torn at me for years and I’m learning to let it go. It’s only money. Credit or? Credit Scores?  Do they really matter much compared to seeing another 40, 45, 50 years?  Not a chance. Whatever happens, happens.  Sure, one wants to work. And a setback in that area recently (not Buzzine, but what’s been “the day-job”) was a shell shock at first. But again, I’ve let it go.
Then there are those little things we let get to us. A line at the bank, post office or local store that doesn’t seem to move.  Doesn’t matter anymore. Talk to the people in those lines. Smile. Ask how their day has been. Meet someone new. And those people who honk at you because you’re not going fast enough down a city street?  They don’t know what’s important at all, do they?  It’s certainly not about rushing anywhere. Do those few minutes really matter? Let that all go too.  Your family matters. Your friends. I’ve always loved waking before my wife and son to watch them both sleep. Now, more than ever.


I’ve never been one to hide my science fiction/fantasy and comic book geekness. Heck, it’s a badge of pride in our home. And to quote Captain James T. Kirk, I don’t believe in the no-win scenario, and that’s at the core of my attitude.  We’ve also taken on a super-hero favorite (just read some of my Buzzine blather about him), Green Lantern, as a symbol of this fight against cancer.  In decades of Green Lantern lexicon, his power ring is driven by willpower, and in a current epic storyline, it’s been revealed it’s part of a spectrum that includes colors of negative and positive, including blue for hope and sapphire for love.  But the willpower comes first, and I believe.  I’ve even rewritten his oath as:


“In Brightest Day
in Blackest Night
. No cancer shall escape my sight
. Eliminate this cancer blight
 with the Will Power of…Green Lantern’s Light!”


This is not frivolous. We find hope, faith, love, belief and will in many places. I’ve also compiled a list of songs — many recorded live — for this battle against cancer.  I do not think I am delusional about these dire circumstances, but every day, I believe I can and will beat this frightening disease. I’m patient and know it will take time, but I will emerge from this undeniably changed in so many ways.


Wishing all truly the best of everything,
Darryl Morden